Backstories: Before the Avengers
by theseductivelamp
Summary: What were the lives of our newest Avengers like before they met?
1. Cumberbooty's Story

At first there was nothing. Then, there was The Tit. The Tit was the beginning of everything, making planets, lifeforms, and anything else you can think of.

After millions of years, The Tit became weak, and realized that in order to keep the universe from falling into chaos, it created three creatures, each creating and controlling the power of the most important components of the universe. Time, tits, and the sexy booty.

The god of time was a dog named Chesticle, and could travel forwards and backwards through time by swinging his chest testicle in different directions. The goddess of tits, Wondertits, who as expected, had magic tits.

Then, there was the god of the sexy ass, originally named Benadryl Cabbagepatch, but as time went on, his worshippers began shortening it, and eventually, he became The Great and Powerful Cumberbooty. Years passed, and Cumberbooty grew bored of simply watching earth, so he decided to put on some sexy clothes, and go down to earth. Immediately the humans began to worship his body, but something strange happened. Instead of seeing him as the god of sexy booties, he began being documented as the god of both Sexiness _and_ the Booty, and he embraced that.

More years passed, and eventually, The Tit faded away, leaving behind only a memory and the ability for people to harness the power that it left. As the humans evolved, less and less people remembered The Tit, and the few leftover who did remember would practice the rituals in private, and a select few who The Tit felt were worthy would be able to harness the magic. Of course, since Cumberbooty was a child of The Great Tit, he has both the powers given to him by The Tit, but he also had his own, making him the most powerful being in the universe, alongside his brother and sister.

Yet again growing bored of being on earth and not really doing anything, Benadryl decided to put on slightly less revealing (but still sexy) clothes, and go try and do regular human things. The moment he walked out of his cave and teleported to the heavily populated city of New York, he realized something. The Cumberbooty was very, very gay, and very ,very horny. Since he was not fully accustomed to what's appropriate to humans, he began walking through the city with a raging erection, searching for a sexy rock to hump. The citizens of New York City knew they should be horrified, but he was just so sexy that they couldn't help but stare. They could tell instantly that a being of such sexiness with such a thicc ass couldn't be human, but since The Tit had been long forgotten by then, they didn't know to worship him, so they just stared.

And until he heard of the golden pancreas, this is how life went on


	2. Wondertits

_**Wondertits**_

At first there was nothing. Then, there was The Tit. The Tit was the beginning of everything, making planets, lifeforms, and anything else you can think of.

After millions of years, The Tit became weak, and realized that in order to keep the universe from falling into chaos, it needed help. it created three creatures, each creating and controlling the power of the most important components of the universe. Time, tits, and the sexy booty.

Chesticle, the dog of time, controlled everything that time entails, the future, the past and the present. He could do this with his very powerful tongue, but over time, as he grew old and was forgotten by most beings, because even gods age, and his power began to weaken. The power of time became a small lump on the dog's chest, and he used it by swinging the ball clockwise to go forward in time, and counterclockwise to go back. It was truly a unique and unmeasurable power.

Then, there was Benadryl Cabbagepatch, the god of all asses and sexiness. His power was truly something to be admired, since he could remove, steal and re-attach any ass that he wanted, to any situation, and using his magic, make it so sexy that even a woman could get an erection.

Finally, there was Wondertits, the creator of all women and their voluptuous curves. She had been something of a troll when she was first born from the magical being Tit. Her skin was scaly, and her hair was ragged, matted and sparse. Wondertits had no shape to her body; she was practically a plank. For centuries she longed for shape, but since her power was hard to control, she felt she was not strong enough to contain it should it get out of hand. For this reason, she bore the ugly skin, the shapeless body, and the fading hair for over 300 years. Finally, she sought after companionship, because being ugly and alone was tiresome. Wondertits allowed humanity to evolve from simple cavemen, into beautiful beings of divine sexiness, and thus gave her beloved brother Cumberbooty a wide selection of asses, which pleased him greatly. She did not advance humanity for his pleasure though, it was pure self indulgence. Wondertits gave all the women of this planet the body, hair and skin she'd always dreamed of. Her power was indeed great, difficult to control, and very likely deadly, but she'd been practicing for a long time, waiting for the moment she'd be able to create something beautiful and worthy of this place, and she did not hold back once she got the chance. Men were given slender, delicate but strong features, such as defined abs, bulging bicep and triceps, and most of all, dicks. Wondertits, like any normal woman, wanted the company of a man, and it was through her own lack of sex that she created the sex drive in female human beings today.

Once she did this, humanity moved along at an astounding pace, creating buildings, manufacturing clothes, and creating medicine to cure people of disease. Wondertits became fascinated with their ways, and so to become closer to the humanity that she helped advance, she decided to join them, and learn their most intimate secrets. In order to protect her identity and keep her origins a secret, Wondertits came up with a fake name, which is what most people know her as now; Scarleet Johands. She was not accustomed to the ways of the humans, even though her own feelings were the ones who evolved them, and so she stood out quite terribly in the city the called Kansas. She wore nothing but shammies, and her skin, hair and physique made many people assume she was a monster.

At last, after many centuries of experimentation, she was ready to try and re-shape her own body, to give herself the most wonderful tits, and the biggest, curviest hips of all. Wondertits wandered away from Kansas and into the forest for some privacy while she reshaped herself.

The process began, and she started to mold herself like clay, thinning out her stomach and moving the fat up to her chest. She enlarged her hips to make them wonderfully round, and her boobies so massive they felt like dead weights. Then, the hair. The hair was the most difficult part, because she couldn't just reshape it like she could with her body, she had to grow entirely new stuff. Wondertits sacrificed her old hair, ripping what remained of it out of her head, making her scalp bleed. "All for the sake of sexiness" she muttered, hair in one hand, other on top of her head, ready to start growing the new stuff. Hair flowed out of her scalp, a glorious blonde colour that grew down to her new and sexy ass.

Wondertits spent many days in the forest, admiring her own newfound beauty in ponds and slow rivers, amazed at how gorgeous she'd become. Once she returned to Kansas, she found the people treated her very different than they had when she'd first arrived. They had ignored or stared at her in disgust before, and now they stared at every inch of her perfect body in jealousy. The boys went crazy, and the women became very jealous of all the attention she'd begun to receive. The people of this city begun to worship her as the goddess she was, and often gave her offerings of food, as well as their own bodies. Wondertits basked in this new found glory, enjoying every single moment of it.

As the years went by, the great and powerful tit began to fade away as the pressure of the universe wore it down to an unbearable state. As the tit faded, so did a part of Wondertits' powers, and she became unable to control the advancement of the humans anymore. Though she still retained some of her power, her loss made her unbearable loneliness return. She longed for companionship, and thought about it everyday. She wanted a man. A really fucking sexy man that she could smash daily and he wouldn't mind. A man whose abs were so defined that they looked like a washboard. A man who would take care of her every need and desire (sexual or otherwise). She decided that instead of waiting for that perfect man to come about, she would go out and look for him. She hopped off her throne, careful to avoid all the precious offerings that had been bestowed upon her. "Perfect, sexual man here I come!" Wondertits cried, launching herself down the stairs, stumbling a little, but coming out the bottom with just a few minor scratches. As she ran, looking high and low, she came across a man sleeping on a bench. "Hello good sir!" she said, standing up tall, chest out. "Hello? Can I help you with something?"  
"Do you enjoy sex?"  
"Um…. I mean I guess so" the man frowned, sitting up. "Would you enjoy sex with me? 24/7?"

"No."  
"Have a nice day!" she smiled, starting off again. Wondertits sighed internally. It seemed that the introduction had to be a little less blunt. Feeling sure of herself this time, Wondertits began to run again. As she was running, she saw the most perfect man. He was wearing a sweaty t-shirt, showing off his pronounced abs, just like she'd imagined. He was running in the opposite direction. Lovestruck, Wondertits stopped paying attention to her surroundings, and ran smack into a pole. The man stopped running and stared at her. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked, coming over, wiping sweat off his gorgeous, sexy brow. "Oh yes" Wondertits said, flipping her long hair seductively. The man immediately fell for her beauty, eyes glazing over with delight. "Wow you're gorgeous" the man ogled, staring at her tits. "Why thank you" Wondertits smiled, showing off her crystal white teeth. "May I ask your name?"

"Scarleet."  
"What an unusual name" the man said, grasping her hand lightly. Wondertits blushed, unable to hide her amazement. This man was the pure image of sexiness she'd always longed for. "What about you, handsome?" Wondertits asked, licking her suddenly moist lips. "My name is Frog" he smiled. Looking down, Wondertits saw a large bulge quickly appearing in his pants. "Getting sprung already?" Wondertits asked, blushing. "For you, any day of the week" Frog whispered seductively. "I think this relationship could work" Wondertits replied, voice rough with arousal. "I agree" Frog smiled, lips becoming rather wet. "Would you do me the honour? Later tonight maybe?" Wondertits asked, hand on her voluptuous hip. "I actually have to smash Jessica tonight, but tomorrow?"  
"You perverted son of a bitch!" Wondertits cried, running away. The man fucked several people at once, and they all knew about it? They didn't care that he wasn't solely devoted to them? "Gross" Wondertits shivered, hugging herself.

Suddenly, she had a vision. A vision of someone researching about her in the great library under city hall. He was gorgeous. Old, maybe a little chubby, but sexy nonetheless. "And who could this hotness be?" she asked, starting in a run again. She ran all the way to city hall, boobies bouncing like crazy. Rushing into the building, face red, Wondertits looked around for the stairs. Seeing the little sign, she tried to walk casually, but her excitement had gotten the better of her. Someone was interested in _her?_ She couldn't believe it.

Clicking her heels, Wondertits descended the windy staircase, madly trying to fix her hair. "Who could this mystery man be?" she wondered, opening the door at the end. There he was, sitting majestically, reading a large book. The book of the sacred Tit.


	3. The Dickless Wonder's Story

Before the surgery, Smon Peeg was a well known doctor, his life altering surgical procedures were used across the world, and because of that, he was a billionaire, though he never acted like one. Though he lived in a fancy mansion with his beloved Gollum, he was very humble, giving much of his money to charities, and using his spare time to practice magic, given to him by The Tit.

all was good, until the day he found out that he had a tumor on his testicle that had to be removed immediately or he would die.

It was a very dangerous surgery, one wrong move and the tumor would cause the testicle to explode like a bomb, killing him. Despite the risks, Smon was confident that he would survive, and went into surgery with a smile on his face. Unfortunately for Mr. Peeg, his surgeon was very incompetent, and poked the testicle tumor, causing it to blow up, killing everyone in the room. Luckily enough, Smon practiced the sacred magic of The Tit, and performed a simple spell before entering surgery that would protect him from any harm, at the small cost of his dick.

Of course, Smon didn't expect to die, so he thought he would be keeping his dick, and only did the spell because his precious Gollum made him. Smon wailed like a baby cow when he realized his glorious massive dick was gone forever. He rushed out of the hospital and into the streets, and as he passed by a window, he froze at the sight of his reflection.

He was no longer sexy.

His once arousing smell was now replaced by the scent of death and dick. His hair was long and matted, face twisted from something that was once handsome into a terrifying hairy slightly caveman looking creature. He let out a shriek, running away into a nearby cave with Gollum, only to be seen again on each full moon so he could get more surgeries.

(Smon Peeg's latest public sighting: img-52f3afb8/turbine/ct-fantastic-fear-of-everything-20140206-001/2048/2048x1363 )


	4. Chekov Skrek

At first there was nothing. Then, there was The Tit. The Tit was the beginning of everything, making planets, lifeforms, and anything else you can think of.

After millions of years, The Tit became weak, and realized that in order to keep the universe from falling into chaos, it created three creatures, each creating and controlling the power of the most important components of the universe. Time, tits, and the sexy booty.

When Chekov first heard of the powers worshipping The Tit could give him, he was thrilled, and went straight to the ancient library buried underneath city hall. He began spending all his free time researching the strange being and its three children, Scarleet Johands, Benadryl Cabbagepatch, and Chesticle. He was fascinated the most by the story of Wondertits, and without knowing it, his research slowly began to switch to Wondertits instead of The Almighty Tit.

Little did Chekov know, Wondertits had heard of the old man who was fascinated by more about her than just her tits. Shocked, Wondertits came down to earth to meet this man who seemingly liked more about her than her voluptuous breasts, and thicc ass. (a gift from her brother Benadryl)

She followed him into the library one night, and watched as he went through book after book about her life, and instead of finding it creepy, she found it flattering. She did this every night for weeks, and soon, she found herself falling in love with the repulsive looking old man. The next night, Wondertits decided to go up to him as he did his research.

When Chekov heard her approaching, he whipped around and was so shocked he fainted at the sight of her massive tits. When he awoke and realized he was not dreaming, he confessed his undying love for the woman he had never met, because he was a full time perv. Soon after, they got married in a location that will remain secret till the end of time (or until Cumberbooty tells someone, since he was the one who married them.)


End file.
